Obsessing Over Someone – How To Overcome Obsession In 4 Steps
Why we become obsessed and how to stop the obsessive loop!
Have you ever met someone and almost immediately developed a complete obsession for them? You may be unable to stop thinking about someone you have recently had a few dates with or encountered.
You hardly even know them, but you can’t resist the magnetic pull you feel from them. Some people might fall into the trap of believing they’ve found “the one,” their soulmate, twin flame, or whatever else you want to call it.
We’ve all heard that when you meet the right person, you “know,” right? Well, yes, but there are frequently other factors at work; the obsessive loop cycle isn’t usually a sign of that.
Let’s examine why we develop obsessions with particular people and how to end the cycle of obsession.
● Why It Happens
1. Blame Your Subconscious
Most of the choices we make and the emotions we feel are puppets controlled by our subconscious. Though you might not have easy access to old memories, your subconscious never forgets.
We often find ourselves drawn to people who remind us of difficult past relationships, whether with a parent or significant other because the subconscious is primarily motivated by the desire to heal past trauma.
The amount of information you learn about someone when you first meet them goes far beyond how attractive you think they are. You observe their posture, movement, gestures, tone of voice, way they look at you, and other physical cues.
Sometimes, on an unconscious level, we recognize something in another person that sets off a reaction in us that makes us want to cling to them.
Your subconscious may draw you toward this person to help you move past the past; it may believe that if you can win this person over to your way of thinking, then all the pain of growing up feeling unloved will be erased.
Unfortunately, things rarely work out like that. Instead, you perpetuate the same behaviours and experiencing the same outcomes.
2. You’re Seeking Validation
A lot of the time, we become obsessed with people because of what they represent to us.
Let’s take the scenario where you were the ugly duckling in middle school, and nobody was interested in you, making you feel like an ugly, unworthy loser. Now that you’re an adult, you might discover that you have become fixated on any attractive person who shows even the slightest interest in you.
And it’s more than just an attraction. It’s because you believe that winning this person over will make the ugly duckling inside of you go away and prove that you are no longer that person.
Additionally, some people are only validating! You might develop an obsession with a man or woman if they are free to choose whoever they want as their partner because convincing them to pick you will indicate that you are also on their level.
It will imply that you deserve value and success and that everything will work out for the best.
3. It’s A Distraction
It is much easier to lose yourself in someone else than it is to get yourself together.
Not just in relationships but all the time, we do this. Your happiness can be subjected to conditions much more easily… I’ll be content as soon as I reach several goals, such as losing X pounds, saving X dollars, purchasing a home, getting the job of my dreams, and so forth.
In reality, doing this usually indicates something wrong internally, and instead of fixing it, you attribute the problem to an outside force.
It’s simpler, for instance, to think to yourself, “How does he feel about me?” He likes me, right? Do you think this is the one I’ve been looking for? As opposed to, Do I like me? Is my life to my liking?
Even so, can I handle a committed relationship? Who wants to reflect and engage in the inner work necessary to respond to the latter questions? We would much rather have our true love intervene and heal us all with a perfect Hollywood kiss.
4. You’re Chasing An Illusion
When we become infatuated or obsessed with someone, we create an idealized image of them in our minds without even realizing how detached from reality we have become.
This is particularly simple when the other person is uneasy around us or rejects us. We assume they must be rare and expensive gems, which makes us want them even more.
You are chasing a dream, not the person you are obsessing over when you do this. You’re chasing the fantasy of what it will be like if you can win this extraordinary being’s affection for yourself.
Aside from that, when you become fixated on someone you hardly know, your mind fills in the blanks, and you end up conjuring up a supreme being that may or may not exist.
Tools For Overcoming It.
1. Get To The Root Of It
Unresolved trauma is likely to cause your obsession with particular types of people if you notice it in yourself. Find out what’s causing this from the source… What from your youth do you still carry with you?
What do you believe that person can protect you from?
You must confront your emotions and try to understand why you feel the way you do because your problems and past hurt won’t magically disappear one day.
2. Re-direct The Focus To You.
Okay, so you catch yourself daydreaming about this other person and thinking about how much you like them… pause and consider what characteristics I find so admirable about him or her.
They might be cool, self-assured, and charismatic. Now, ask yourself how YOU can be those things. We frequently develop obsessions over particular people because we aspire to be them. and we erroneously believe that being around a particular kind of person will bring us up to their level.
But things don’t work like that. Work on developing the traits you admire in others if you want to have them yourself.
When you realize you are asking, “Does he/she like me?” Do I like you? redirect and inquire. Do I think people like me? If not, you should concentrate your mental effort there.
3. Come Back Down To Earth.
You have to recognize when you’re turning a mortal into a diety and get it under control because no one exists on that level.
It’s a sign that you’re obnoxiously in love with someone if you can’t see any flaws in them. As we previously discussed, it’s a sign that you are looking for approval or that person represents something to you.
Find out what that is. Instead of being carried away by this fantasy, centre yourself and return to reality.
The best part is that you can actually be in the moment when you’re not engulfed in a dream; this is how you establish a connection. Being absent prevents you from connecting with others, and being preoccupied with your thoughts or losing yourself in a fantasy prevents you from being present.
4. Fill The Void Within You
In an empty room, obsession grows. We are more likely to fall into the obsessive trap when we feel we lack something, such as happiness, self-worth, or a sense of purpose.
The real reason is that you’re tying the things you lack to someone else. However, you must assume responsibility for your life and fill the gaps by taking charge of it.
Spend some time reflecting on times when you were happy. What were you doing at those times? With whom were you interacting? What was your daily schedule? And make an effort to reconnect with things that truly make you happy.
If you don’t feel worthy of anything, consider ways to improve your self-worth. Start there because that is where self-esteem is built: by challenging yourself to be and do better.
You won’t have the time or energy to become obsessed with someone else; instead, you’ll be too preoccupied with whatever you are doing, which is good!